I was raised in France, so I am very much a French mother this way (see Bringing Up Bébé) if you don't know what that means..!
I am also a Tiger Mom (Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother) - see my review of the Book below - but with a heavy dose of Jewish Mothering.
Otherwise, I am a huge fan of Ferber - see my review below - simply because it works... and without traumatizing your child for life, and of the Baby Wise method series - because it works and I am the structured type who loves schedules and lists.
Review of the 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother': 'As other people here, I have learned about this book through the WSJ article. I think that in many ways, the article is indeed misrepresenting the book, but this was probably (at least in part) intentional because this created a huge buzz. I too am raising a child as an immigrant (from France), so I enjoyed reading about the struggles that come with raising children at the crossroads of several cultures. Many people completely underestimate how different other cultures are in terms of child rearing, what is acceptable and what is not, and how hard it is to find a balance. In many ways (not all), I agree with Amy's practices, and I even took some notes while reading the book. After all, her children are very successful, and they seem very well adjusted (even Lulu!), as compared to many kids I know who were raised in a much more permissive environment.
As a working mother trying to teach my baby to read early, I can tell you that it is a lot more dedication and work to do that than to decide that "children are not developmentally ready to do this until they are in school"... In other ways, however, I would never go as far, and to Amy's credit, she successfully and apparently just in time, corrected course with her younger daughter Lulu, who wasn't responding well to classic Chinese parenting.
It takes courage for someone to share their struggles as a parent, as we all know that parenting can be dirty work, and that many fights worth fighting are not exactly 'kodak' moments. It also takes a lot of courage to reevaluate one's own parenting and realize that certain things will never work with certain children.... most people never do, especially not if it takes a lot of work and time.
Another thing is that many of Amy's comments, like "drums lead to drugs" are said partially tongue in cheek.., as is the story about her having dreams for Coco's future (the dog), in the sense that I think Amy is aware that some of her quirks as a parent and person are a little extreme from a westerner's point of view or may not be PC.
Overall, I thought it was a page turner for "Chinese" parents and children of such parenting.
Review of the 'Ferber':
Original Review:
'I read pros and cons about the Ferber method, and I can't help but notice how emotional people get on both sides.
Ferber worked wonders for us (as did Baby-wise, which we are implementing as well). Now we have a happy, pleasant, extremely healthy, fast-learning baby who seems to be very secure in our love and has been sleeping through the night since he was 6 weeks old. He loves his crib, wakes up well before we come up to feed him, but kind of babbles to himself until we do come up (and I happen to think that this time is very important for his development). He doesn't doubt that he will be taken care of, because we do so on a schedule which he recognizes and is reliable. Because he does feel secure, he is actually quite adaptable to occasional changes in routine due to travel or other activities. I am not on Ferber's payroll, these are just facts...
Some things to keep in mind:
- Ferber is a graduated method, not about letting your child cry all night without checking in. It is however worth pointing out that many generations were successfully brought up on a more cold turkey approach, without any more damage than the current, particularly spoiled crop of youngsters I see screamning at the mall, supermarket, restaurants on a regular basis
- It is very hard to hear your baby cry, even for a few minutes. No question. However, it is bound to happen, whether it is for him/her to get a good night sleep or because of all of the unpopular decisions and frustrating boundaries that good parenting involves, even at a very young age.
- Young children need uninterrupted nighttime sleep to develop properly as much as they need food. Parents need sleep to be appropriately responsive to their children during the day. The needs of babies are of utmost importance, but not the only ones that should be considered.
- I read in one of the negative reviews that our culture doesn't want to care for its own children, this is why we discourage co-sleeping etc. I find this very ironic because I have yet to see a society which overindulges its children more, under the pretext of caring for them. It is easier (in the short term) to respond to every cry rather than to implement something like Ferber, where you have to keep track of the time, etc. Just as it is easier to say yes to TV, junk food, etc. Baby-wise rightfully calls that "credit card parenting": The costs are eventually very high to bear for the child, parents, and society.
- Some of the negative reviews were by people who tried to implement in older children (toddlers, rather than babies). Without being an expert, I would think that the older the child gets, the tougher it is to break a bad habit, right?'
Updated Review: 'my child is now almost 3 years old, and we seamlessly changed to a big boy bed. It was painless beyond my wildest dreams because he knows that bedtime is sacred (so he doesn't get out of bed) and he is a very good sleeper. We let him have books in bed, so he can occupy himself if he wakes up before I am ready to get him up, which happens quite frequently, but without tears or drama. Thank you, thank you Ferber (and Baby-wise too - this changeover to the toddler bed was a perfect example of parenting in the funnel - not something we manage all the time, but it is wonderful when we do)'
No comments:
Post a Comment